One cutie pie, one ham-bone, one terrified toddler - and one FOF
You sort them out
How to
travel during your 9th decade - and enjoy it.
Most of these suggestions come from
personal experience, usually discomfort caused by doing the opposite.
1) Do nothing to diminish your
appearance of aged helplessness. Strive to look even more decrepit than you actually are, if that is possible.
2) Carry and conspicuously rely on a
stout wooden cane or walking stick. You
will walk easier and if, by chance, someone attempts a mugging you can kill them..
3) Do not travel by bus, ever. Trains might work, but airplanes are best
because they minimize the time spent travelling and maximize the time
actually being there. having fun.
4) If possible visit friends and
relatives with washing machines. That
way you can get by with a tiny, light suitcase.
5) Even if you ran a triathlon last
Tuesday, tell the airline that you need wheelchair assistance. It’s quick, easy, and free. (But have generous tip money at hand.)
6) When you arrange your airline
schedule (actually, let an agent do it for you), pay no attention to cost. The object is to get from HERE to THERE and
back again with the least possible discomfort.
This entails minimizing both time and plane-changes. Money is nearly irrelevant; after all, you
are in your 9th decade – and you can’t take it with you. If you did extraordinarily well the previous
eight decades or so you might even consider 1st Class. For the rest of us, though, go Coach – for a
few hours anybody can stand a 14-inch seat between two sweaty 300
pounders. Right?
7) When you get home, prepare to be very
tired.
