TRAVEL ADVICE

One cutie pie, one ham-bone, one terrified toddler - and one FOF

You sort them out

How to travel during your 9^th decade - and enjoy it.

Most of these suggestions come from personal experience, usually discomfort caused by doing the opposite.

1)      Do nothing to diminish your appearance of aged helplessness.  Strive to look even more decrepit than you actually are, if that is possible.

2)      Carry and conspicuously rely on a stout wooden cane or walking stick.  You will walk easier and if, by chance, someone attempts a mugging you can kill them..

3)      Do not travel by bus, ever.  Trains might work, but airplanes are best because they minimize the time spent travelling and maximize the time actually being there. having fun.

4)      If possible visit friends and relatives with washing machines.  That way you can get by with a tiny, light suitcase.

5)      Even if you ran a triathlon last Tuesday, tell the airline that you need wheelchair assistance.  It’s quick, easy, and free.  (But have generous tip money at hand.)

6)      When you arrange your airline schedule (actually, let an agent do it for you), pay no attention to cost.  The object is to get from HERE to THERE and back again with the least possible discomfort.  This entails minimizing both time and plane-changes.  Money is nearly irrelevant; after all, you are in your 9^th decade – and you can’t take it with you.  If you did extraordinarily well the previous eight decades or so you might even consider 1^st Class.  For the rest of us, though, go Coach – for a few hours anybody can stand a 14-inch seat between two sweaty 300 pounders.  Right?

7)      When you get home, prepare to be very tired.