GOLDEN OLDIE 73: The Wedding Planner

After two mild romantic offerings, last night  I endeavored to shift gears and dive intoi something more, well, masculine.  By that I mean a film with a full load of  action, violence – with, let’s face it – ample blood and guts.  However, half way through Roadhouse, which offers an abundance of the aforesaid and a good look at a skinny Patrick Swaze, I turned off the iPad.  Overkill, I guess.

So instead I watched another happy little love-comedy, staring Jennifer Lopez (good) and Mathew McConaughey (excellent – would be one of my top male actor choices if his name were easier to spell).  The plot is harmless, predictable, and funny; the supporting act-persons are all up to snuff – and not a drop of blood is shed, nor a serious punch thrown.  Enjoy it while you can; I feel the need to watch something horrific tonight.  How about Full Metal Jacket?.

 

GOLDEN OLDIE 71: A Good Year

As I am sure, by now you know that my favorite male actor, by a wide margin, is Russell Crowe.  It seems that he can portray anything: a terrifying warrior, a sympathetic (but still dangerous) sea captain, a conscious-stricken corporate dweeb, an honest cop, even a schizophrenic whiz-bang mathematician – and successfully “inhabit” the role, as film critics are wont to say.  Now, in this modest little effort, he shows us he can be a romantic, as well.  What a guy!

The movie is largely set in the wine country of France, with brief glimpses of London.  Crowe is a hard bitten stock jockey who finds love and the true meaning of life in the vineyards of Provence.  The movie was released in 2006 and directed by the celebrated Ridley Scott.  Co-star Albert Finney is excellent, as are the various female support staff, especially principal love interest, Marion Cotillard. 

This Golden Oldie is highly recommended for lovers of wine, pastoral scenery, and, of course, Russell Crowe.

 

GOLDEN OLDIES 70: Evolution

 

And now,  for something completely different let me introduce you to one of the silliest movies I have yet to encounter, the little known and justly panned drama, Evolution.  I deliberately chose it as an antidote to the mind-numbing effect of the psychedelic war drama  Apocalypse Now,  GO69.   It worked.

Evolution was inflicted on the artistic world in 2001; it is described as a sci-fi comedy, which in a way I guess it is. It features David Duchovny of X Files fame, Julianne Moore , who was very good in The Shipping News, and a motley assortment of people I have never knowingly encountered anywhere  else.  It involves a threat to humanity from somewhere jn outer space, thankfully thwarted by Head and Shoulders shampoo.  It is stupid, raunchy, preposterous but – if you are in the right mood – worth a few chuckles.  C+/B-.

"GOLDEN" OLDIES 69: Apocalypse Now

 

Several days ago, in recognition of ongoing obscenities in the Ukraine, I concocted the cockamamie idea of reviewing Golden Oldies about our recent wars.  I had in mind Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, and maybe a few others.  In accordance with the alphabet I began with this one.  Wow!  What a mistake!

Apocalypse Now was released in 1979 and directed by the famous Francis Ford Coppola.  It featured an entire murders row of name actors, including Marlon Brando in the clean-up role.  It won a bunch of awards back then.  I remember that I didn’t like it very much the first time through.  Last night I liked it even less.  In fact, it pissed me off big-time.  If there was supposed to be an overall plot, it utterly escaped me.  Actually, it seemed to me to be nothing more than a series of unrelated events, concocted by someone under the influence of LSD!  Brando hardly figured in it at all.

Avoid it at all cost.  C

I’m going to see what Roger Ebert thought of it.  I’ll bet he thought it was the cat’s meow.

 

GOLDEN OLDIe 68: Star Wars

 

Amazing what a mere 45 years can do!  In company with half the world’s human population, 45 years ago I was absolutely blown away by the first Star Wars movie, now marketed under the name Star Wars: A New Hope, apparently number four chronologically in the “history” of that cataclysmic battle between the evil Empire and us good guys.  Who can ever forget Hans Solo and his furry Wookie sidekick?  The Princess Leia and Obi-Wan Kenobi?  R2-D2 and C-3PO?  The scene in the bar?  Good Lord - at the time it was more than the nervous system could bear.  It made George Lucas a billionaire several times over.  But…..

Hell, after nearly half of a century of advances in computer wizardry and special effects, the first Star Wars movie looks, well, cheesy.  Moreover, the plot is a bit silly and the acting, despite the presence of Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, James Earl Jones and for God’s sake even Alec Guinness is, let’s face it, perfunctory.    

So, darn it, the first Star Wars movie - for me - has not withstood the parade of time.  I hope you find it otherwise.  C+

GOLDEN OLDIE 67: Wall Street

 

Having lost more money in the stock market over the last three days than I earned in my first three years as a college professor, last night I watched the original Wall Street movie (1987) to find out why.  No luck.  Tonight I may watch the 2010 sequel to continue my research – but with low expectations.  I am afraid the answer is simple: I’m just not a very good stock-picker.  But sometimes I pick good movies.  This is one.

Oliver Stone directed this flic, which got good reviews.  Michael Douglas starred in it, and won an Oscar.  Charlie Sheen was on screen a lot, as was Daryl Hannah (wonder what happened to her?); both were good.  Excellent support was  provided by several name actors whom you will recognize.  All in all much attention (and money) went into making this a worthwhile cinematic experience, which in my opinion it is. A-.

The plot?  Oh, hell, you can guess.  Innocent but ambitious dweeb encounters evil,  highly efficient stock market manipulator and is ground up and spit out thereby.  But, of course, there is a happy ending.

GOLDIEN OLDIE 65: SlapShot

 

This movie may not be Paul Newman’s proudest artistic moment, but it is damned funny nevertheless.

This is another ice hockey movie, but one conspicuously less serious than my first offering, Mystery, Alaska.  It concerns the activities of a minor league team from “Somewhere South of Saskatoon”.  They are terrible.  They are about to be deep-sixed.  But…..they are saved by the arrival of three brothers from some area of Canada where death by hockey stick is not murder and the game is a blood sport.  Salvation is abetted by an ice-arena strip tease performed by the only team member to have graduated grade school.  And by Newman, who can’t avoid being good.  Slap Shot is a genuine Oldie, released in 1968 I think.  Not that you care.

By and large, this is a flic well worth the viewing.  B

 

 

NOT MY FAULT

 

Well, Heck!

I can’t escape the observation that my blogs are plgued with spelling mistakes, and that this is progressing rather rapidly.  The cause is obvious: macular degeneration.  I spell things wrong, and fail to catch them – because I can’t see the damned text!  So, let’s make a deal:  I won’t spend time fixing things, and you try to figure out just whatinhell I was trying to say.  Deal?l

GOLDEN OLDIE 64: WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP

 

Can gold tarnish?  Well, I don’t know. But I am going to add this flick – White Men Can’t Jump – to my list of Golden Oldies, even though I didn’t enjoy it nearly so much the second time through.

Did you know that there is a sub-culture of guys who play 2 on 2 basketball outdoors, for money?  Probably not, unless you live in a large city with a considerable black population.  Anyway, this movie involves such a scene.  It stars Wesley Snipes as an excellent practitioner of the art, Woody Harrelson as the original Rube from Rhubarb, North Dakota – with a deadly jump shot, and Rosie Perez as a little bouncing ball of sexual energy.  As you all know, Snipes recently served several years in the can for income tax evasion, while Harrelson went on to greater glory in Cheers and a few pretty-good movies.  Rosie’s life so far involves acting and such-like endeavors; I wish I had seen more of her.

So, anyway, you can skip this film and not feel culturally deprived.  If you like it, it will be for the basketball and its accompanying trash-talk.  And, of course, Rosie on roller skates.  C+

GOLDEN OLDIE 63: Man on Fire

 

Well, apparently not having gotten my full ration of grit and ugliness from Traffic, last night I flinched my way through a much better example of the genre, Man on Fire.  The stars are Denzel Washington, as a very dangerous man with a past, and Dakota Fanning, as the very essence of childish cuteness.  As with Traffic, Man on Fire is concerned with malfeasance South of the Border; in this case police corruption and kidnapping for profit.  The bad guys here are bad enough that you can’t help but enjoy watching Washington snuff them out.

Denzel Washington is one of our very best male actors, in a class with Tom Hanks and Russell Crowe.  Believe it or not, Dakota Fanning is 28 years old.  She appears to be unmarried but is “in a relationship”.  Her acting career continues, but with no overwhelming success.  At least she isn’t Lindsay Lohen.

Man on Fire rates a solid B+