BAJA BC EPSODE A

Just a reminder: Nick Zentner will start his 26-part perilous adventure into wild Cordilleran tectonics this week, Wednesday, 11/16, at 2:00 pm. I will not be involved personally, but am sure to be blamed – or praised – depending on your point of view. I don’t know how to tell you how to find Nick and his video. What I do is Google Nick Zentner and then grope around for the correct spot. Start early, and good luck.

h=HELPING OUT ON THE FARM

Quite a few years ago. I am helping out by not getting in the way. Of course, I needed my daughter Linda to help me!

A FISCAL ERUPTION

Wow! Go big stock market! Only four or so days like today and I will be back to even! Wonder why stocks went up. One theory is that traders like a divided, and therefore paralyzed federal government, in the belief that thus it can do no harm. Cynical!

how am i? You really want to know?

As I approach the big 9 0, people seem to be interested in “how I am”. Well, I usually respond “I am doing about as well as can be expected”, which of course means absolutely nothing. So, to be more explicit: I can’t see worth a damn, my hearing is for shit, I need a four wheeled waker to get around, and once in a while my brain backfires – but other than that I’m doing great! Thank God for gin and tonic.

L IN EGYPT

If ovarian cancer didn’t spread so quickly, it wouldn’t be nearly so lethal. The trouble is, it metastasizes with great zest, and is, moreover, very difficult to detect before it does, That, apparently, is what makes this piece of news such a big deal (reported three times in three different ways, all at once(, These “bioengineers” seem to have a line on how to discourage – maybe even prevent – rapid spreading. AI is involved. Now for early detection! https://www.insideprecisionmedicine.com/topics/oncology/3d-models-may-lead-to-therapeutic-targets-for-metastatic-ovarian-cancer/

Just an experiment

BAJA BC

That picture was taken about ten years ago; you can use it to estimate my current state of decrepitude. I use that to justify the current blog. As you may know, Nick Zentner is planning a series of live-stream lectures on the subject of “Baja BC”, a geological hypothesis often credited to, or blamed on, me. I gave you a bum steer the other day: if you want to watch all 26 episodes, tune into Nick’s UTube channel Wednesdays at 2:00 pm. Saturdays at 9:00 am. The series starts Wednesday, November 16, and features my co-conspirator, Linda Noson. As they used to say in the dark ages of my youth – be there or be square!

NICK ZENTNER PROCEDES APACE

Nick Zentner is about to embark on a 26-part investigation of the “Baja BC” hypothesis, of which I am one of the fathers – or perpetrators, according to some. My crappy eyesight, general cyber-ineptitude, and reluctance to travel prevents me from being more than peripherally involved, although Nick may bounce a question off me from time to time. Still, it promises to be fun. The first session will be next Tuesday, at 9:00 am. Just Google Nick and go from there.

REALLY TOUGH GUYS

Now here’s a stupid question. If you had to walk down an alley in Brooklyn one dark and stormy night, which would, you most want by your side, John Wayne or Clint Eastwood? That amounts to asking, who do you think was the tougher guy, the Duke or Dirty Harry? I told you this going to be stupid. I choose the Duke, by a whisker. This admittedly moronic question arises because I have recently watched two Westerns, The Searchers – reputed to be the best Western of all time - and The Unforgiven, often named its close competitor. I will report on that research soon, but for now I wonder what you think. Please comment. Of course, the Terminator would be your best bet, but that’s not fair. He’s not human. But of course the best choice

GOLDEN OLDIE 88: The Searchers

A few months ago I “reviewed” the cowboy flic Open Range, and confidently asserted that it was the best Western ever concocted. Then I set out to find justification for that assessment; I Googled “Best Western Movies in Order. There were many lists, as you might imagine. Much to my surprise, Open Range didn’t appear on any of them. But, said I – these were film critics talking: what do they know, right? However, I couldn’t ignore the fact that, heading almost all lists was The Searchers. So last night I watched it. Wow! For once the critics got it right. I still think that Open Range is a darned good movie, maybe even a great one. But Searchers is better. So it is a John Ford, John Wayne movie, filmed in Monument Valley but supposed to depict events in Texas – so what? And, yes, the Indians with talking parts are mostly Italians, the rest being Navajo, not “Comanch”. Say what you will, the scenery, and the background music, make this film offering sore. It is so good I may watch it again tonight! And will there ever be an actor better suited for a role loke this than John Wayne? That’ll be the day! A

GOLDEN OLDIE 87:Silverado

This little Oldie turned out to be something of a disappointment. Given the cast, I had high hopes: from memory Kevin Kline, Kevin Costner, Brian Dennehy, Danny Glover, Scott Glen, Rosanna Arquette, Jeff Goldblum, Linda Hunt (yes, she is 4 Ft 9 in tall – or was), and even British comedian John Cleese, With all those noteworthy actors, how could it all go wrong? Well, I think the problem is that Silverado could never figure out what it was: stock western, comedy, stock revenge flic, or a messy mishmash of all three. In the end it sort of lost its way. C+ Danny Glover was very effective,

an important question

Okay, you might think that I would know the answer to this question, but I don’t. Why is it that every map of Cordilleran accreted terranes depicts them, by and large, as highly elongate, often discontinuous, strips? Surely these terranes were plastered onto the western edge of North America by processes that involved subduction. It seems to be generally accepted that a subduction zone can swallow up normal oceanic crust, especially easily if it’s cold enough, but that thickened oceanic crust often sticks in its craw, so to speak. That is, it clogs the trench, possibly causing the trench to jump “outboard” thereby transferring the accreted block to the continent and forming an “exotic terrane” Right? So, in general thickened chunks of oceanic crust seem to be of two general sorts: volcanic arcs and oceanic plateaus. The first are elongate, the second roughly equidimensional. Cordilleran accreted terranes tend to be string beans. Does that mean that most, or all, of them were originally arcs? Or, as I have always assumed, were many – most?-of them roughly equant blobs that were attenuated post-accretion by dextral shear? Hawaii, or Iceland? Or, obviously, both?

GOLDEN OLDIE 86: Little shop of horrors

Oh. Did I say it’s a musical? Sort of. B Now here is something REALLY peculiar! Little Shop, released in 1986, is a MUSICAL about an extra terrestrial plant (it calls itself a “mean green motha from outer space) that lands in Brooklyn, of all places, with intent to take over the earth. It is thwarted by Rick Moranis, cheered on by Ellen Greene. Steve Martin plays the kind of dentist we all had nightmares about as kids, and Levi Stubbs voices the plant, in a dialect that probably would get him in trouble now. Pretty good – but peculiar. B. Note: I wrote a long, detailed review of this flic, but then lost it. I am too disgruntled to do it over.

MOST CONSEQUENTAL PERSON OF THE LAST CENTURY

Owing to my rejuvenated fascination with Winston Churchill I have been Googling around trying to determine who is considered the greatest person of the 20th century. My answer, of course, is Churchill. Other contenders seem to be Nelson Mandela, Franklin Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, and Martin Luther King. To that list I would add Mother Teresa. Obviously, some of you have other persons in mind; I would be interested to learn who they are. But, for me, Churchill, with all his faults, is the clear winner. However, greatest person as I view it implies someone who somehow benefitted humanity. There is another category, most consequential person, concerning persons who most influenced the course of history. In that completion the little weasel pictured above has no rival, although Stalin and Mao Tse Tung both come close. Have I left somebody out?

THE BEST BIOGRAPHY EVER WRITTEN

\\For a number of weeks now I have been entertaining myself by rereading the Audrey-Maturin series of maritime adventures, written by Patrick O’Brian. Nearing 90 and nearly immobile, I find that I spend far more time in self-entertainment than I would prefer. But, there it is. O’Brian’s series run to 20 volumes and I have reached the halfway mark. I recommend them; well written, absorbing, and even educational – if you happen to be interested in naval warfare in the time of Napoleon. But, really, it is time for something a bit more weighty – so I just bought the first volume of William Manchester’s three volume biography of Winston Churchill and began reading it, for the third time. Manchester is a marvelous writer, in my view one of the best of the past century! To see what I mean, go to your nearest bookstore, find volume 1 (Visions of Glory), sneak off in a corner somewhere – and read the Preamble, The Lion at Bay. I would bet that, having done so, you will buy the book. Or, for $17, you can download it from Apple

GOLDEN OLDIE 85: The Fugitive

I followed Tommy Lee Jones to this well-known classic, staring Jones. Harrison Ford and one hell of a tall dam spillway. I’m no expert, but I think this may be Ford’s best role. You know the story of course; worthy medical doctor, falsely convicted of wife’s murder, escapes with the help of a train wreck, manages to evade recapture by the “Big Dog” (Jones), finds actual killer (one-armed guy), brings justice to all, etc. I make it sound trite but it isn’t – it’s exciting and entertaining. My only snide quibble concerns the one-armed villain, played by Andreas Katsulas a fine actor but no object of towering physic. I have difficulty believing him capable of vanquishing Ford (Indiana Jones) in a fight.

GOLDEN OLDIE 84: No country for old men

Wow! T don’t know what trickedme into watching this ultra-downer; probably because I like the star, Tommy Lee Jones. As a MOVIE it is pretty darned good, but as an EVENING’S ENTERTAINMENT – well, give it a pass. The action takes place in Texas/Mexico desert country, and inevitably involves drugs, robbery, murder and sadistic violence. It features the most horrifying bad guy to ever darken the silver screen – Javier Barden. I have nightmares about the guy he plays – but I bet he is nice to his wife and plays with his kids. All in all: B

GILDEN OLDIE 82: Mississippi burning

Prolog: An image never far from my consciousness depicts a little black girl, all beautiful in her snow white dress, carrying school supplies - being escorted through a presumably dangerous and hostile crowd by four burly Federal Marshals. I would like to have one of those marshals, of course, blessed with the physic of Rob Gronkowski. What that brave little girl went through fifty years ago still makes me want to punch some KKK cracker in the snoot! So, anyway, you remember this movie, released in 1988 and starring two of our most distinguished actors, Gene Hackman and Francis McDermott, accompanied well by Willem Dafoe. It is based partly on the real murder of three civil rights boys attempting to win voting rights for blacks in a violent Jim Crow town. There is plenty to hate and violence in this movie. You emerge from it, not relaxed and joyful, but rather thoughtful and even deeply troubled. Watch it again, anyway. A

GOLDEN OLDIE 82:Invictus

So, who would you choose for the title of “greatest man of the 20th century”? The contenders seem to be Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Franklin Roosevelt, and Nelson Mandela. My personal choice is Churchill; after all, he basically saved the world from fascism. However, a surprising number of lists place Mandela at the top. A very great man he certainly was. Here is a fine movie that partly illustrates how great he was. The star, of course, is Morgan Freeman; certainly one of the best male actors still on the stage. His white protagonist is depicted by Matt Damon as a brawny Rugby star; he is excellent. The rugby scenes make me happy I turned out to be a 98 lb weakling, but they are entertaining and properly bloody. The music and many of the incidents make you root for South Africa. Too bad, post Mandela, it has turned out so much less than perfect. But, what the heck, Invictus is a darned good movie, one which you should soon re-visit. A-

GOLDEN PLDIE 79( Marathon Man

Having just relaxed with a feather-light bit a fluff, last night I decided to dive into something a bit more weighty. I chose Marathon Man largely because of its all-star cast; Dustin Hoffman, Laurence Olivier, Rory Schneider. However, I recall not liking it very much back then – and I was not mistaken. This movie, which sent dentistry back several decades, is just too damned dark and depressing for a sunny disposition like my own. And there is no marathon at all. C

GOLDEN OLDIE 81: Outbreak

A few weeks or maybe months ago I remember writing something like The struggle for dominance on this earth has come down to two contestants: Homo sapiens and viruses, At the moment it is not clear which is going to win. Homo sapiens kill each other and inflict all sorts of unnecessary wounds upon themselves, whereas all viruses do is evolve and reproduce. Bad scene! So here is an absorbing movie about a skirmish in this battle, which deftly illustrates how human cussedness operates. It stars Dustin Hoffman, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Rene Russo, and the always reliable Morgan Freeman,. The plot is somewhat hokey, involving a monkey and the near extermination of mankind. But, what the heck, at the least Outbreak is a harmless and entertaining way to waste a couple of hours. B

GOLDEN OLDIE 80: Bull Durham

I have seen this movie several times despite my perhaps irrational dislike of Susan Sarandon – and appreciated it more each time. Kevin Costner certainly was created for the role of nearly burned-out ball player filled with wisdom painfully acquired, Tim Robbins is near-perfect as the quintessential cocky feather-headed natural jock, and Susan Sarandon is, well, pretty much okay. As a whole the movie is funny and, in a way, almost insightful. To understand that last phrase you’ll just have to see it. A-

GOLDEN OLDIE 77: City Slickers

GOLDEN OLDIE 76: The China Syndrome

 

Having recently grumbled about the bleak future of nuclear power, last night I watched a 1979 movie that encapsulates many of the obvious problems.

The China Syndrome is a fairly entertaining flic: your chance to see Michael Douglas as a kid, Jane Fonda before she became Hanoi Jane and Mrs. Ted Turner, Jack Lemon at his mature best, and Wilford Brimley as – well, as he always is – steady and reliable.  It illustrates what is dangerous about nuclear power – people, and the profit motive.  So, nuts:  enjoy the movie and say goodbye to a nearly inexhaustible source of clean energy.

A question:  where WILL California get the juice to run all those electric cars?  Start buying solar stock, and learn to love those bird-killing windmills!

NUCLEAR POWER

 Trojan nuclear power plant, long since dismantled

I have long been in favor of expanding nuclear power.  It is non-polluting, virtually inexhaustible, and nuclear power plants can be sited almost anywhere.  Sure, such plants are expensive – but maybe worth the cost, considering on-rushing global warming.  But now I am changing my mind – reluctantly.

As I see it, the trouble with nuclear power is – people.  As it stands such plants produce dangerous waste, which must be stored safely for hundreds of thousands of years.  So, big deal; there are thick, flat-lying geological units in the mid-continent that are undisturbed after hundreds of MILLIONS of years!  But of course, NIMBYism, politics, and human cussedness won’t let us store the stuff there.  Then there is fear of “nuclear meltdown” (see the movie The China Syndrome, for instance).  However, multiple layers of fail-safe engineering, although expensive, should do the trick.  Many folks seem to be existentially terrified of nuclear power for no specific reason, but their beliefs are very strongly held and not to be overcome by argument.  So, no nuclear power.

I said earlier that the problem arises because we are human beings.  You don’t build a nuclear power plant in an active seismic zone, no matter how cheap the land nor inexpensive the transmission costs.  You don’t skimp on the engineering in order to add a bit to the bottom line.  Above all, you don’t involve nuclear complexes in wartime distruction!  Sigh!

So, I guess we are stuck with windmills, glass roofing, and a much hotter future.

NELL/S CANYON

 

The culmination of our rock-intensive tour of Washington was an all-day trip in Hells Canyon by jet boat; It was loads of fun.  Hells Canyon is carved by the Snake River into gradually uplifting terrain near the common meeting point of Washington, Oregon and Idaho.  Our boat leaves from Clarkston, Washington.  This uplift and erosion has resulted in a canyon deeper than the Grand Canyon, though it is fair to say, not nearly as majestic.  The cause of the uplift is not certainly known, although I imagine it had something to do with migration of North America across the Yellowstone hotspot.  But, hell, that can’t be right; canyon-cutting began only six million years ago.  Oh, well. . . .

The lower part of the trip cuts through Columbia Plateau Basalts.  The valley there is wide, with lots of human habitation.  Further upstream it narrows and has only a few scattered ranches to mark the presence of humankind.  There it is cutting through ~ 300 Ma rocks of an accreted terrane; in this case volcanic rocks overlain by limestone.  These rocks formed somewhere west of North America, in an ocean basin, and were scooped up by that continent as it moved relatively westward.

Much of western North America is composed of such terranes.  They often are referred to as “exotic terranes”, but I much prefer “accreted”; to me, “exotic” brings to mind some nubile lass dancing, clad only in a pair of fans.  Not that I have ever seen such, of course.

So, it was a great trip.  I highly recommend getting out into the geomorphic wonders of central and eastern Washington.  But maybe when it’s a bit cooler.

PALOUSE FALLS

 

If you attended Nick Zentner’s lecture as recommended in my last blog entry you will know that Palouse Falls is another feature carved into Miocene bedrock by the sudden release of ponded glacial meltwater about 15,000 years ago.  When Carolyn and I visited, it was difficult to think of anything glacial, the temperature was well over 100 degrees in the shade – with damned little shade to be had.

Palouse Falls State Park is a small, isolated place not on the road to anywhere.  The view is spectacular, but there is little else to do there.  There used to be some hiking, but the State now deems it unsafe and has closed the trails.  The little camp ground is nice and would probably greatly appeal to anyone who had tired of humanity.

All in all, Palouse Falls is a handsome, lonely sort of place.  I am glad that such places continue to exist.

AN INTRODUCTIONTO NICK ZENTNER

Nick at Work

Stumbling around with my antiquated computer last night I ran upon a short You Tube video that would greatly enhance a visit to either Dry Falls or Palouse Falls, Washington.  The lecturer is Nick Zentner, of Central Washington University.  Nick’s specialty is public outreach; he has a rare and valuable talent for explaining geological concepts to the general public;  If you have any interest in visiting either “Falls”, or are simply curious about the striking landscape of central Washington, Nick’s lectures are for you.  Start with this one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8zLwXfxS7w  

 

DRY FALLS

Continuing my report on Carolyn and my rock-intensive tour of Washington . . . .

We departed our  luxurious motel after a nice breakfast and headed back north, to intersect U.S. 12.  This pleasant highway crosses the Cascades at White Pass, skirting the southern margin on Mt. Rainier National Park in the process.  Very green and pastoral, in contrast to Yakima into which eventually debouches.  From there we went to Ephrata and checked into excellent rooms in a Best Western motel (Carolyn had done all arranging in advance).  And then, it being still early, we headed north into the famous Channeled Scablands of geological legend J. Harland Bretz; specifically, to Dry Falls State Park.

Most of you already know that the weird topography of the Scablands is the result of erosion caused by a series of catastrophic floods, released toward the end of the last ice age (~15,000 years ago) when glacial lakes broke through ice barriers penning them in. The result was a network of “coulees”, which are very large valleys cut dramatically into flat-lying lava flows of the Columbia Plateau basalts (which Google if confused).

Anyway, if you only have a few hours to obtain a taste of the Scablands, Dry Falls is a splendid place to do it.  There doesn’t seem to be any actual Falls anywhere about, but no matter – the scenery is great, and the little visitors center is interesting.  There is even an ice-cream buggy thereabouts.

Oh, did I mention that the temperature was 103?

 

MT ST HELENS

 

So, on a Saturday (7/9), Carolyn and I departed the Willows bright and early, heading for My St Helens and a rendezvous with Carolyn’s Portland family, headed by her eldest son, Kiley Henner.  The trip should have taken no more four hours, but owing to highway construction in Seattle was substantially longer.  Really, a reasonably fit person could have WALKED from the King County line to Boeing Field nearly as quickly as we made it by car!  (An aside:  there are just too damned many cars in this world – and most of them seem to be on the road at any given time.  Even with gas at $5.50/gallon!)

So, anyway we got to Kelso eventually, met up withKiley and his crew, had a fine Mexican dinner (I had a margarita so big I couldn’t finish it! ), then returned to our motel for the usual restless motel overnight experience – and next morning headed out for Johnston Ridge Observatory.  The picture above was taken from somewhere near there, and not by any of us.  Glorious, clear weather but – too have something to bitch about – too many people. 

So, the place is named for David Johnston, the USGS guy that was killed in the initial blast.  It so happens that I once played touch football with Dave.  In fact, he caught the finest forward pass I ever threw!  And I once rented a cabin from Harry Truman, who briefly became famous for refusing to leave Spirit Lake.  He was as drunk as a lord, as they used to say.  What is left of Harry now lies somewhere beneath many meters of volcanic effluvia. Johnston, too, I surmise.

Anyway, anyone who can should visit Mt. St. Helens, and maybe even do some hiking.  It is a glorious place!  Thank you, Carolyn, for taking me there.

SCENIC WASHINGTON, EMPHASIZING ROCKS

 

As many of you know, I am well beyond the hiking stage of life.  In fact, I now walk with a four-wheeled contraption to keep me upright, and moreover have given up driving because of rapidly deteriorating eyesight.  Thus, if I want to escape my posh “retirement community”, the Willows, I am dependent on automobiles, driven by others.  Well, all of those things came together last week, thanks to my wonderful, wonderfully patient sister-in-law, Carolyn Joyce, and her perfectly adequate if somewhat excessively low-slung little rented Nissan.  We visited Mt St Helens (the Johnston Ridge Observatory), Dry Falls State Park, Palouse Falls, and ended our trip with glorious run up the Hells Canyon stretch of the Snake River on a jet boat.  I will try to comment on them in turn in subsequent postings.  As for now, I merely want to assure you that I went, had a great time, and got back safely, no worse for wear.  So, see. There IS life after 80.  Or, in my case, WAY after 80!

GOLDEN OLDIE 75: Blast from the Past

Brendan Fraser is the star of several silly movies that I much enjoyed.  I will spare you George of the Jungle, with its talking elephants, and go straight to Blast from the Past, which may be the high point of his career. 

The plot actually is almost plausible.  Couple (she pregnant) takes refuge in an elaborate fallout shelter at the time of the cold war, in the mistaken belief that nuclear breakdown of society has commenced.  Thirty five years later their son (Foster) emerges in search of supplies, and a mate, and encounters a world he could never have imagined.  Part of that world consisted of a hot chick, Alicia Silverstone – named Eve for the movie.  Fraser plays a character called Adam.  Get it?  He also must face a world where everything has become hectic, crowded, and very impolite.  We, the audience, have fun watching him do it.

There are several excellent supporting roles.  I particularly liked Sissy Spacek as “The Mother”.The movie was released in 1999.  Roger Ebert thought it was okay, as did most critics of the time.  I think it is a fine way to waste an evening.  B+

 

GOLDEN OLDIE 74: Field of Dreams

 

I honestly don’t know what to say about this movie.  Its plot is preposterous, of course; dead ball players don’t materialize in corn fields in this or any universe, including Iowa.  Shoeless Joe Jackson probably was something of an inarticulate bumpkin (but who knows?), not the take-charge guy Ray Liotta portrays.  People don’t change from juvenile athlete to dignified doctor by stepping onto gravel, as Burt Lancaster does.  And so forth.  But yet…..

I thought this movie a bit stupid, although entertaining, when I first saw it in 1987.  Last night I found it beautiful, almost profound.  (Yeah, I’m getting mushy in my old age!).  Be that as it may, Field of Dreams certainly is at or near the top of the heap of Keven Costner’s cinematic performances.  Everybody else is excellent to very good.  I strongly recommend that you sit in a quiet place, perhaps drink in hand, an absorb the central message of this movie, which is ….. ?   A-

Even Roger liked it.

GOLDEN OLDIE 73: The Wedding Planner

After two mild romantic offerings, last night  I endeavored to shift gears and dive intoi something more, well, masculine.  By that I mean a film with a full load of  action, violence – with, let’s face it – ample blood and guts.  However, half way through Roadhouse, which offers an abundance of the aforesaid and a good look at a skinny Patrick Swaze, I turned off the iPad.  Overkill, I guess.

So instead I watched another happy little love-comedy, staring Jennifer Lopez (good) and Mathew McConaughey (excellent – would be one of my top male actor choices if his name were easier to spell).  The plot is harmless, predictable, and funny; the supporting act-persons are all up to snuff – and not a drop of blood is shed, nor a serious punch thrown.  Enjoy it while you can; I feel the need to watch something horrific tonight.  How about Full Metal Jacket?.

 

GOLDEN OLDIE 71: A Good Year

As I am sure, by now you know that my favorite male actor, by a wide margin, is Russell Crowe.  It seems that he can portray anything: a terrifying warrior, a sympathetic (but still dangerous) sea captain, a conscious-stricken corporate dweeb, an honest cop, even a schizophrenic whiz-bang mathematician – and successfully “inhabit” the role, as film critics are wont to say.  Now, in this modest little effort, he shows us he can be a romantic, as well.  What a guy!

The movie is largely set in the wine country of France, with brief glimpses of London.  Crowe is a hard bitten stock jockey who finds love and the true meaning of life in the vineyards of Provence.  The movie was released in 2006 and directed by the celebrated Ridley Scott.  Co-star Albert Finney is excellent, as are the various female support staff, especially principal love interest, Marion Cotillard. 

This Golden Oldie is highly recommended for lovers of wine, pastoral scenery, and, of course, Russell Crowe.

 

GOLDEN OLDIES 70: Evolution

 

And now,  for something completely different let me introduce you to one of the silliest movies I have yet to encounter, the little known and justly panned drama, Evolution.  I deliberately chose it as an antidote to the mind-numbing effect of the psychedelic war drama  Apocalypse Now,  GO69.   It worked.

Evolution was inflicted on the artistic world in 2001; it is described as a sci-fi comedy, which in a way I guess it is. It features David Duchovny of X Files fame, Julianne Moore , who was very good in The Shipping News, and a motley assortment of people I have never knowingly encountered anywhere  else.  It involves a threat to humanity from somewhere jn outer space, thankfully thwarted by Head and Shoulders shampoo.  It is stupid, raunchy, preposterous but – if you are in the right mood – worth a few chuckles.  C+/B-.

"GOLDEN" OLDIES 69: Apocalypse Now

 

Several days ago, in recognition of ongoing obscenities in the Ukraine, I concocted the cockamamie idea of reviewing Golden Oldies about our recent wars.  I had in mind Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, and maybe a few others.  In accordance with the alphabet I began with this one.  Wow!  What a mistake!

Apocalypse Now was released in 1979 and directed by the famous Francis Ford Coppola.  It featured an entire murders row of name actors, including Marlon Brando in the clean-up role.  It won a bunch of awards back then.  I remember that I didn’t like it very much the first time through.  Last night I liked it even less.  In fact, it pissed me off big-time.  If there was supposed to be an overall plot, it utterly escaped me.  Actually, it seemed to me to be nothing more than a series of unrelated events, concocted by someone under the influence of LSD!  Brando hardly figured in it at all.

Avoid it at all cost.  C

I’m going to see what Roger Ebert thought of it.  I’ll bet he thought it was the cat’s meow.

 

GOLDEN OLDIe 68: Star Wars

 

Amazing what a mere 45 years can do!  In company with half the world’s human population, 45 years ago I was absolutely blown away by the first Star Wars movie, now marketed under the name Star Wars: A New Hope, apparently number four chronologically in the “history” of that cataclysmic battle between the evil Empire and us good guys.  Who can ever forget Hans Solo and his furry Wookie sidekick?  The Princess Leia and Obi-Wan Kenobi?  R2-D2 and C-3PO?  The scene in the bar?  Good Lord - at the time it was more than the nervous system could bear.  It made George Lucas a billionaire several times over.  But…..

Hell, after nearly half of a century of advances in computer wizardry and special effects, the first Star Wars movie looks, well, cheesy.  Moreover, the plot is a bit silly and the acting, despite the presence of Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, James Earl Jones and for God’s sake even Alec Guinness is, let’s face it, perfunctory.    

So, darn it, the first Star Wars movie - for me - has not withstood the parade of time.  I hope you find it otherwise.  C+

GOLDEN OLDIE 67: Wall Street

 

Having lost more money in the stock market over the last three days than I earned in my first three years as a college professor, last night I watched the original Wall Street movie (1987) to find out why.  No luck.  Tonight I may watch the 2010 sequel to continue my research – but with low expectations.  I am afraid the answer is simple: I’m just not a very good stock-picker.  But sometimes I pick good movies.  This is one.

Oliver Stone directed this flic, which got good reviews.  Michael Douglas starred in it, and won an Oscar.  Charlie Sheen was on screen a lot, as was Daryl Hannah (wonder what happened to her?); both were good.  Excellent support was  provided by several name actors whom you will recognize.  All in all much attention (and money) went into making this a worthwhile cinematic experience, which in my opinion it is. A-.

The plot?  Oh, hell, you can guess.  Innocent but ambitious dweeb encounters evil,  highly efficient stock market manipulator and is ground up and spit out thereby.  But, of course, there is a happy ending.

GOLDIEN OLDIE 65: SlapShot

 

This movie may not be Paul Newman’s proudest artistic moment, but it is damned funny nevertheless.

This is another ice hockey movie, but one conspicuously less serious than my first offering, Mystery, Alaska.  It concerns the activities of a minor league team from “Somewhere South of Saskatoon”.  They are terrible.  They are about to be deep-sixed.  But…..they are saved by the arrival of three brothers from some area of Canada where death by hockey stick is not murder and the game is a blood sport.  Salvation is abetted by an ice-arena strip tease performed by the only team member to have graduated grade school.  And by Newman, who can’t avoid being good.  Slap Shot is a genuine Oldie, released in 1968 I think.  Not that you care.

By and large, this is a flic well worth the viewing.  B

 

 

NOT MY FAULT

 

Well, Heck!

I can’t escape the observation that my blogs are plgued with spelling mistakes, and that this is progressing rather rapidly.  The cause is obvious: macular degeneration.  I spell things wrong, and fail to catch them – because I can’t see the damned text!  So, let’s make a deal:  I won’t spend time fixing things, and you try to figure out just whatinhell I was trying to say.  Deal?l

GOLDEN OLDIE 64: WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP

 

Can gold tarnish?  Well, I don’t know. But I am going to add this flick – White Men Can’t Jump – to my list of Golden Oldies, even though I didn’t enjoy it nearly so much the second time through.

Did you know that there is a sub-culture of guys who play 2 on 2 basketball outdoors, for money?  Probably not, unless you live in a large city with a considerable black population.  Anyway, this movie involves such a scene.  It stars Wesley Snipes as an excellent practitioner of the art, Woody Harrelson as the original Rube from Rhubarb, North Dakota – with a deadly jump shot, and Rosie Perez as a little bouncing ball of sexual energy.  As you all know, Snipes recently served several years in the can for income tax evasion, while Harrelson went on to greater glory in Cheers and a few pretty-good movies.  Rosie’s life so far involves acting and such-like endeavors; I wish I had seen more of her.

So, anyway, you can skip this film and not feel culturally deprived.  If you like it, it will be for the basketball and its accompanying trash-talk.  And, of course, Rosie on roller skates.  C+

GOLDEN OLDIE 63: Man on Fire

 

Well, apparently not having gotten my full ration of grit and ugliness from Traffic, last night I flinched my way through a much better example of the genre, Man on Fire.  The stars are Denzel Washington, as a very dangerous man with a past, and Dakota Fanning, as the very essence of childish cuteness.  As with Traffic, Man on Fire is concerned with malfeasance South of the Border; in this case police corruption and kidnapping for profit.  The bad guys here are bad enough that you can’t help but enjoy watching Washington snuff them out.

Denzel Washington is one of our very best male actors, in a class with Tom Hanks and Russell Crowe.  Believe it or not, Dakota Fanning is 28 years old.  She appears to be unmarried but is “in a relationship”.  Her acting career continues, but with no overwhelming success.  At least she isn’t Lindsay Lohen.

Man on Fire rates a solid B+

 

 

SOME REJECTS

 

Over the past several months I have “reviewed” several “Oldies” that, upon some reflection I decided didn’t merit the appellation “Golden”.  Here are  some, with comments.

Miss Congeniality:  Genuinely funny the first time through – but I’ve seen it three times.  Sandra Bullock is great, Michael Caine is greater – and William Shatner should have stayed on the Starship Enterprise.  B-

The American President:  Michael Douglas is okay, Annette Bening is better, Michael J. Fox is amusing.  The script, In the age of Trump, is inadequate.  C+

The Big Easy:  Watch if you like Cajun music.  Otherwise, give it a miss.  C

ANOTHER ONE TO AVOID

I know that one is not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but sometimes it is necessary.  Recently I reviewed the movie Greenfingers.  I really liked it but, in doing my research I discovered that famed movie critic Roger Ebert, now deceased,  was downright contemptuous in describing it.  He called it “twee”, whatever that is supposed to mean.  So, I decided to see what he thought of a movie I absolutely despised:  Sideways.  Sure enough, he called it “brilliant”.

Sorry, Roger, but you were wrong, May God rest your soul!

Sideways is a tale involving two worthless twits doing trivial things, some of which border on the criminal.  The plot revolves around wine, and takes place in the wine growing regions of central California.  Some of the locals pictured are scenic – and that is the only good thing that I can conjure up to say about it.

Bottom line:  avoid this movie at all cost!

 

GOLDEN OLDIE 62: Greenfingers

 

Okay, no beating around the bush:  this is a seriously good movie, about men,  flowers and such, a healing potion for the lacerated soul.  It concerns men incarcerated within the British penal system who become prize-winning gardeners.  Yes, there is a little sex in it, and excessive smoking, but by and large this is a movie you could enjoy with your grandmother.  The star, Clive Owen, is great; too bad he seems to have given up thr silver screen for a career on the stage.  There is a rumor that he was to be the next James Bond, but declined the honor.  Helen Mirren is the best known of the cast; she is excellent, but has a limited role.  The supporting cast is fine – and the flowers are beautiful.  Imagine!  A movie with no blood and a body count of zero!  Like I said; good for the soul.

I end this review with two observations.  First, the critics didn’t much like this movie, whereas we unwashed plebeians did; another reason not to listen to the critics.  (After all, they even liked Sideways, which any right-minded person would detest.)  And second, the real stand-out characterization in Greenfinger is David Kelly, as Fergus.  He brought tears to my eyes.  So, yes. This is an excellent movie.  Free on Amazon Prime at the moment.  An emphatic  A

GOLDEN OLDIE 61: Tin Cup

 

Having survived my close encounter with ugliness (as exemplified by the movie The Accused), I decided to let my nerve endings mend while watching a mindless, good natured Kevin Costner sports movie.  Golf, this time, co-starring Rene Russo, Cheech Marin, and a flock of busy armadillos.  Tin Cup, as it is called, was released in 1996.  The critics didn’t exactly hate it, and we audience boobs were slightly amused by it (Rotten Tomatoes 72%).  Needless to say, it won no honors – although, personally, I think the armadillos were stiffed.

So, the plot revolves around an immensely talented golfer crippled by inner demons, who conquers them – and the U.S. Open - with the help of a profane coach (Marin) and a comely psychiatrist (Russo).   Nothing profound here, just good, honest, clean fun.  Marin is really good in this role, enticing me to watch another of his efforts, Desperado -  to be reported on soon.  I have never much cottoned to Russo, but she is pretty good here.  Don Johnson is admirably despicable in an important supporting role.  But the highlights of the movie belong to the armadillos; too bad most of their scenes ended up on the cutting-room floor.

SKIP THIS MOVIE, UNLESS . . .

 

Unless you are a fan of morally flawed people doing despicable things, don’t watch this movie.  Of course, if you enjoy gang rape, this is right down your alley.  Jody Foster plays a hard-drinking, pot-smoking, foul-mouth little slut – but makes you root for her just the same.  Kelly McGillis plays an honest lawyer who brings Foster’s rapists to some feeble sort of justice – she is ne of the very small number of people involved here with whom you would want to eat dinner.  Accused was released in 1988; the critics liked it; the audience somewhat less so.   Foster won an Oscar as well as some other awards.  She did a great job, for sure – but, geez!

Jody Foster is not your ordinary breed of duck.  She seems to thrive on the sort of movie that gives you bad dreams.  I was gratified to see her in Maverick, where she actually was allowed to smile.  I may watch another of her gut-wrenchers tonight.  Or I may not.

GOLDEN OLDIE 60: True Grit (1969)

 

Well, this one went over so well the first time (1969) that they decided to do it again (2010).  I liked them both, but the original is best.  The star, John Wayne, won a Best Actor Oscar for his role as Rooster Cogburn, a one-eyed, hard drinking, straight-shooting, rule-bending western lawman.  He was ably “assisted” by an indomitable teen aged girl bent on revenge (Kim Darby) and a (comparatively) straight-laced Texas Ranger, played by Glen Campbell; yes, the singer.  The flic was shot in and around Ouray, Colorado, so the scenery is terrific.  The background music features Campbell, who was my favorite singer of the 1970s and 80s.  Thus, all in all, I liked it a lot.  A-

So, as you probably already know, Campbell’s career – and life – were shortened by Alzheimer’s disease,  Darby, too, faded from view, although she subsequently acted in a few forgettables.  If you can believe Google – and how can you not? – she had a problem with drugs.  Too bad; she was great here.